YOU love horses. You really do. You arrive with brand new jodhpurs, squeaky clean yard boots and a big dream of working with horses. Here is a practical guide to what not to do as you embark upon life as an equine student, learned through hard experience and mild humiliation.

1. Do not stride in and pretend you know everything.

Nothing strikes fear into lecturers and yard managers alike quite like a first-year student announcing, “Well, my pony at home always does it this way”. The teaching yard gelding has seen 18 intakes of students come and go. Nod, listen and accept that horses kept for education have PhDs in human error.

2. Do not say: “He wouldn’t do that with me!”

Yes. He would. He absolutely would.

3. Do not assume horses can read the agenda.

You may be mentally prepared for a calm lunging session. The horse may have other plans, often involving interpretive dance, spontaneous levitation, or the sudden belief that the corner of the arena is haunted.

This is not personal. The horse is simply reminding you that control is an illusion.

4. Do not skip the ‘boring’ modules.

Nutrition, conformation, biomechanics and pasture management sound dull until you realise they explain why everything else keeps going wrong.

The student who skipped lectures is easy to spot later in life. They are the one asking Facebook if a horse can live on carrots alone.

5. Do not forget that horses have memories.

That horse remembers the time you tightened the girth too fast. The day you dropped the clippers. The week you confidently put the bridle on upside down.

He has forgiven you.

He has not forgotten.

6. Do not wear anything ‘cute’ to the equitation or racing yard.

If it is white, fluffy, over-sized, cropped, distressed, or bought because an influencer wore it near a horse once, leave it at home.

If you are wondering, “Will this survive haylage, iodine and a wet tail?” The answer is no.

7. Do not panic when you get it wrong.

You will put a rug on backwards.

You will confidently march into the wrong stable.

This is not failure. The best equine students are not the ones who never make mistakes, but the ones who can laugh, learn, and return the headcollar to the correct horse.

8. Do not forget why you’re there.

On the worst days, when the rain is sideways, your fingers are numb, and a horse has just undone 45 minutes of grooming in three seconds, remember this:

You chose this.

You love this.

And somehow, despite everything, you will miss it.

If you survive equine college with your sense of humour intact and a happy horse, you’re doing it right.