NEW Year resolutions. A to-do list for 2021. Call them what you wish, but now is a good time to give yourself some space to consider what you might do to make your life better in the months ahead. However, maybe this year should be a little different.

The classic New Year resolutions we hear about every January usually include things like working out more and eating healthier. While these are admirable goals, and to be encouraged, there are many other ways to improve your wellbeing in 2021.

Your New Year resolutions don’t have to be flashy and in everyone’s face; in fact, they might be totally invisible to others and known only to you. For the challenging year ahead why not commit to improving your mental health through a few small changes in the way you think and behave. One or all of the following could be a start.

1. Commit to being kind to yourself

We all have a voice in our head, constantly speaking to us throughout the day and reacting to what is happening around us. This voice shapes our self-identity and how we feel about ourselves. When was the last time you examined how that voice is speaking to you?

For many our default self-talk tends to be critical and negative. We are quick to judge ourselves, berate ourselves for mistakes, and focus on what we perceive to be wrong with us. Instead of being our own biggest cheerleader, we end up discouraging ourselves, which in turn makes things more difficult to accomplish. Then a vicious cycle is created.

With a little effort you can gently shift self-talk to be kinder and more compassionate. In future, if you notice the voice in your head being harsh, take a moment to recognise what’s happening and flip the thought into a happy or positive one.

In time thoughts such as ‘I’m so stupid’ can morph into ‘I’m learning and growing’; ‘I always mess up’ can become ‘everyone makes mistakes’; while ‘I can’t do this’ can shift to ‘this is hard, and all I can do is my best’.

2. Practice gratitude

No matter what your individual situation is, 2020 was almost certainly more difficult for you than the average year. However, even amidst loss, uncertainty and anxiety, it is possible to find ways to be grateful for all the good in our lives.

Practicing gratitude has a host of benefits, including decreased stress levels, along with increased resilience, happiness and self-esteem. It is also linked to improved relationships and better physical health. It can take a variety of forms, so find one that works for you.

The key is to do something that doesn’t become a chore, but instead evokes true feelings of gratitude. This could be something like writing down a couple of things you’re grateful for each morning or night, writing thank you notes to the special people in your life, or doing a gratitude-focused meditation.

3. Learn to say no

Time and energy are our most precious resources. With that in mind, think about how you want to use these resources in 2021. Which activities, people and interests are your priorities? Once you’ve figured out what you want to focus on, there will inevitably be other things that compete for your attention. This is where the skill of saying ‘no’, firmly and kindly, is key.

You have a right to say no, whether it is to invitations, requests or anything that you don’t have space for at the moment. Many of us have been conditioned to seek approval from others at all costs, but people-pleasing is a sure-fire way to burn out quickly. Instead, take a moment to think it over before saying yes right away to something.

It’s also important to remember that you don’t have to explain why you say no if you don’t want to. People may try to guilt you for your decisions, but you need to stand firm, knowing that everyone has the right to politely decline something they don’t have the time for or don’t wish to do.

4. Prioritise joy

Once you have learned how to say no when that’s the right choice for you, you will be in a better position to prioritise joy with the time and energy you get back. Sometimes we get so caught up in the repetition of our daily routines, or are focused on our obligations, that we forget to engage in activities that bring us true joy and pleasure.

Prioritising joy looks different for everyone, and it could be as simple as listening to a song you love in the car, or making yourself a cup of tea before you go to bed. It might look like spending time in nature, reading a great book or calling an old friend. Maybe it means picking up a new hobby, like art or music, or watching your favourite movie or television show.

Actively working to cultivate joy reminds us just how much fun and special life can be; not just on the weekends or when we’re on our holidays, but every day. Joy can be spontaneous and surprise us and this is a delight, but we can also be intentional in trying to put more joy into each day.

5. Ask for help

Finally, it is important, even vital, to recognise that in 2021 you don’t have to do it all alone. We are social creatures and we are meant to be connected to each other and work together. So, instead of shouldering everything yourself, think about who might be able to help.

Many of us often feel timid or embarrassed when asking someone if they can drive us to the airport, call us tonight to talk through a big decision, or any other number of requests we may have. Just as people have the right to say no if they can’t or don’t wish to help at the moment, you have every right to ask. You and your needs are not a burden, and there are likely many people in your life who would love to help you when given the chance.

If you’re struggling with your mental health, and support from loved ones isn’t enough, seeking professional help is one of the kindest things you can do for yourself. Speak to your doctor and they will be happy to suggest the best course of action for you.

Final message

As we face into 2021 and work on improving ourselves and our mental health, remember that we are all works in progress, and we always will be. Our wellness isn’t a box we check or a goal we reach; instead, it’s a practice we commit to, can sometimes mess up, and we can start again.

With some intention, reflection and help from those who love us, we can face 2021 with all our messiness and imperfections — and know that we are already more than enough. This is a time to be strong, be weak, but always knowing we are human after all.

Stay safe, stay well, and stay connected.