IF you have a friend or loved one struggling with a mental health issue, you may experience a difficulty in finding the right words to say, or knowing what to do.

It can happen that people are afraid to say the wrong thing, and instead choose to say nothing at all. It is important to remember that simply showing you care can make a big difference.

There are no absolute rules when it comes to situations such as these, but it is never wrong to show an interest or to ask how someone is.

That said, here are some do’s and don’ts for supporting someone close to you suffering from mental illness or who is feeling down.

DO: Listen with an open mind

Let them know they are not alone and tell them they have your unconditional love and support. Be available to listen and then do so without judgment. Just being open and willing to give your support and lend a sympathetic and listening ear is often a big help.

Empathy can be communicated through facial expression, body language and your tone of voice. Generally individuals are not searching for a person who feels as they do; they are searching for someone who is trying to understand what they feel. Be that person for your friend, colleague or family member.

DON’T: Make throwaway comments such as ‘You’re fine’ or ‘Cheer up’

Although you may think you’re being helpful, sometimes comments like these can make someone feel criticised and bad for feeling the way they do. Their condition may be serious and cannot be brushed off easily. Try your best to make them feel comfortable and secure in sharing their emotions with you. It takes a great effort on their part to do so.

DO - Ask questions

Never be afraid to ask questions. Your friend does not expect you to already understand what they’re going through. Respectfully ask about their symptoms and how they are feeling. They may not want to give you all the answers, but that is okay; they will know you care simply because you took the time to ask.

DON’T: Say you know how they feel if you don’t

While you may experience periods of sadness, or even depression, do refrain from comparing those feelings to the situation your friend finds themselves in. Although it sounds nice to have someone to relate to, drawing comparisons may make them feel as if the reality of their situation is being in some way minimised.

DO: Encourage them to seek help

Find out if the person is receiving the necessary care, enquiring about it in a gentle way. If they are not, offer to assist them to get the help they need. They may refuse to seek help, feel they do not need it and even get angry with you. It is important to remind them that mental health problems, depression and all worries and concerns are treatable and can be overcome, and they do not have to feel this way forever. A list of services are available on this page, and if they have any worries about where to seek help, a first step should be their doctor.

DON’T: Question their medical decisions

For most people with mental health disorders, taking medicine is a big step and can be scary. Today there is still a stigma in certain circumstances surrounding the medical treatment for many of these conditions. However, there are a variety of treatments that can really help patients feel like themselves again. Many patients who are on medication often find the right dosage and type of medication based on trial and error. So, be patient, supportive and, most importantly, non-judgmental as your loved one finds the medication that suits their specific needs.

DO: Help out with daily tasks

Living with a mental health issue can make simple, everyday tasks extremely difficult to accomplish. Simply getting out of bed can feel like a chore. It is important that you understand this. If you are wondering what you can do to help, maybe just grab some items at the shops, wash a few dishes or take out the bins. Even the smallest act of kindness can really help and will be appreciated.

DON’T: Pressure them to ‘stay busy’

You may think a day trip or a night out will take your loved one’s mind off their issue. Do not hesitate to invite them to such social events, but don’t expect that they will accept the invitation and do not be offended if they say no. Whatever they may be dealing with is not easily solved by kicking back and relaxing to snap out of a bad mood. Alcohol will also not be a help. Keep this in mind and trust that their decision to not take part is the right call for them.

DO: Be Patient

You may feel at times like they’ve pushed you away, and maybe they have. Those suffering from mental illness tend to distance themselves from their loved ones, not because they dislike your company but because they may feel like a burden. Don’t pressure them to spend more time with you or to talk about their problems if they are reluctant. As frustrating as it may be trying to help someone who does not seem to appreciate you, don’t give up on them. Gentle persistence will pay off in the long term.

DON’T: Take it personally

Remember that what they’re going through is not about you and is not your fault. Give them all your love and don’t expect anything in return, simply because they may not be able to give it to you. Whether you think so or not, they need you now more than ever.