MOST people have experienced anxiety at some point. Running late for an important meeting, getting ready before a date, speaking in public for the first time—anxiety is within the scope of the human experience. In fact, it’s a perfectly normal reaction to stressful situations.

This fact is both positive and negative for people who live with anxiety conditions. It’s beneficial because most people have some understanding of what anxiety feels like, and may be more sympathetic to someone who experiences daily symptoms. However, because anxiety is often normalised it can often be downplayed as a feeling everyone experiences rather than a serious health condition.

An example might be someone saying something such as “Oh I know exactly how you feel. I had a panic attack last week when I thought I lost my wallet.” Comments such as this can make individuals experiencing an actual anxiety disorder feel dismissed. Therefore it is important to realise the difference between anxiety, the feeling, and Anxiety, the condition. For clarity, the latter will have a capital A in the following text.

What does an Anxiety disorder feel like?

It’s easy to assume that because we all experience anxiety, we have an idea of what living with Anxiety might feel like. That’s simply not the case. Experiencing anxiety includes being nervous or stressed out in situations that naturally create those feelings, like a job interview. Living with an Anxiety condition makes you feel overwhelming fear and distress constantly - even in everyday situations. There are many types of Anxiety disorders, but they all share these symptoms:

Someone who lives with Anxiety once described the condition like this: “Imagine your mind as a typical four-burner stove top. At all times, there’s a small pot at a rolling boil on the back burner. That’s Anxiety. Every possible thing you could ever be anxious about is floating around in this pot, churning all day long.

“Depending on what happens throughout the day, a thought can pop up out of the pot and intrude your thinking – ‘Oh God…did I lock the front door?’ Then it goes back down – ‘Yes, of course I did.’ Then other thoughts pop up – ‘Why did my boss give me that look the other day?’ ‘Am I saying the right things?’ ‘Do I look okay?’ ‘Do I smell bad?’ The churn is constant.

“If something goes wrong, the churn worsens. And the small pot might even be replaced with a medium-sized pot. More water. More pressure. More thoughts. On days when Anxiety is severe, a large pot will slam onto a front burner – your anxious thoughts taking centre stage at the forefront of your mind.

“What about panic attacks? Those things so many people joke about having? Here’s what they really feel like. Your heart beats with an increasing pace. Your chest tightens around your pounding heart, creating a painful tension. It hurts to breathe.

“You gasp for air, as if trying to breathe in high-altitude where oxygen is sparse. Your thoughts are racing as quickly as your heart is pounding. Your stomach is in knots. You feel nauseous and dizzy and afraid. You feel trapped. You start to cry. Then you cry so hard you give yourself a headache. All of this happens within minutes, but it feels like years.”

This will give you some idea of what it’s like to experience an Anxiety disorder. There are many people, some of whom are possibly close to you, who deal with this regularly.

What can you do to show sympathy?

You do need to be mindful of what people who are experiencing Anxiety may be going through. If a friend is having an Anxiety attack, don’t assume you know exactly how they are feeling or undermine their struggle. Be understanding and supportive by consoling them in a way that’s specific to the situation.

Let’s say they are having a panic attack after having a fight with by their boyfriend or girlfriend. You may not understand why they are hyperventilating, or rolled into a ball crying their eyes out. You may even think they are overreacting. However, remember that someone with Anxiety cannot control this type of behaviour - it is a symptom of their mental illness. And they need your support.

You could say something along the lines of: “I know your feelings are overwhelming at this moment in time. I know you feel afraid that the pain and problems with your boyfriend (or girlfriend) are never going to stop. However, they will. You will get through this, and you may even laugh about it later. A year from now, this won’t matter.” The key is to say something soothing and calming while still acknowledging their pain.

It can make a world of difference just to validate another person’s struggle, even if you don’t fully understand what they’re going through. You can be the person who makes someone feel accepted and supported during their darkest and most difficult days.

Getting help

Anxiety is totally manageable and treatment works. If you are concerned that you or someone close to you has an Anxiety problem, the following may help.

Treatment is very successful. People have gone from being house bound to being able to enjoy the day-to-day things that others take for granted. Seek help if you think you have a problem. It is never too late to manage it and live life to the full.