GEAROID Brouder woke up one morning shortly after the Listowel Races in September 2024 and, realised that he had finally hit rock bottom.

With just one ride during the week-long festival in his hometown, Brouder came to the realization that his career was going nowhere. It didn’t help that he had spent much of race week in local pubs.

Having enjoyed some success both in the riding and training ranks two years earlier, Brouder had only recently returned from a year-long ban having tested positive for cocaine. Not for the first time, with everything seemingly at his feet, he had thrown it all away.

Finally accepting that he needed to seek help, Brouder rang IHRB Senior Medical Officer, Jennifer Pugh.

“The first thing Jennifer said was ‘I have been waiting for this call for a long time,’” Brouder remarked. “A lot of good people had been telling me for years that I needed help”, he said. Brouder added: “I kept agreeing with them but never did anything about it until I got to breaking point. I did try to stop drinking a few times but realistically, you can’t beat something like this on your own.”

It was former Grade 1-winning jockey Jody McGarvey that had first put him in touch with Pugh. After witnessing the then trainer excessively celebrate a winner a couple of years earlier, the Derry man felt he had to step in.

Ruin my life

“Jody rang me the next morning,” Brouder said. “He told me that I was a good kid but needed help. He said that he couldn’t just stand by and watch me ruin my life with drink and drugs.”

McGarvey explained that Pugh wasn’t just the Turf Club doctor; she was so much more. He knew that Pugh could provide the necessary help. The only problem was, back then Brouder wasn’t ready to accept it.

“I felt weak at the thought of opening up to Jennifer,” he said. “I think she knew that I wasn’t telling her the truth. You have to want the help and really throw yourself into it but I wasn’t there yet.”

Although he would often ring Pugh subsequently when things got really bad, as soon as life improved again, Brouder admits that he cut all contact. However, this latest call was different.

Faced with the stark reality that his career in racing could be over, the Kerry man went all in. “I knew at that point that it was either give up riding or give up the drink and drugs,” he said. “Racing had been good to me. The only time it wasn’t, was when I stopped being good to myself.”

Approach works

Brouder can’t speak highly enough of Jennifer Pugh. “She did absolutely everything she could to help me. What I liked about her was that she suggested what I should do, rather than forced anything. For me, at least, that approach works so much better.

“I know that I would never even have considered counselling or AA, if anyone else had mentioned it.”

While admitting that he told Pugh he “hated” his first counsellor, Brouder had better fortune on his next attempt. He clicked immediately with Pat Brennan who he describes as “the best thing that ever happened to me.”

He now meets Brennan two or three times a week and, day or night, his counsellor is never more than a phone call away. Brennan also put the jockey in touch with the AA.

Attending meeting several times a week, Brouder is adamant that “it does work”. He is also grateful for the assistance of the Irish Injured Jockeys Fund in paying for this rehabilitation.

With a strong support network within racing, he is keen to acknowledge those that have stood by him. “Ian O’Connor had been telling me for years to get help. He listened to me when things were really bad and has been a massive help,” Brouder says.

“Charles O’Brien came to my rescue on more than one occasion. I have known him since I was a young apprentice and he has always been in my corner.”

“Charles Byrnes has been fantastic. He is one man I know I can always pick up the phone to and call. Peter McCreery is also a close friend, who has been very good to my kids.”

Now living back home in Kerry, the jockey also reserves praise for current employer, Tom Cooper; “Tom would always have been on the phone to me, checking up and just making sure I was okay.”

He accepts that while no one said it to him directly, many people within racing knew about his drinking and kept an eye out for him over the years.

Resolution

While Brouder says that he never woke up with the intention of going drinking, it was never far from his mind. Even at various stages when he had decided in his own head that he was giving up alcohol, it just took a phone call from a friend to put that particular resolution on the back burner for another while.

Eventually it got to the stage where he didn’t even want to go racing. “A small trainer would give me a chance by putting me up on one of his horses and I wouldn’t even show up. I was depressed and had no interest,” he said.

However bad things were when Gearoid Brouder was a jockey, it was about to get a whole lot worse when he started training.

Doing cocaine

“When I trained a winner, I was on a high but when that same horse got beaten next time, or started coughing, I couldn’t deal with it,” he admits. It was during this period that Brouder started doing cocaine.

“For me, it wasn’t the riding, it was the training. I found the pressure of that too much to handle,” he added. “I know people in all walks of life that do cocaine. It’s not just a problem in racing. Some people say that they would never go near it.

“The problem is that once you do start, it’s very hard to get away from it. Drinking was the biggest problem for me though. If I didn’t drink, I would never have gone near the drugs.”

Despite relocating to Kerry last year, Brouder says it’s nothing more than a geographical move. “What I’m doing now at home, I could be doing on the Curragh. You can move wherever you like but you still bring the mad head with you!” he jokes. For him, the main objective is staying away from certain people, places and things. The people being ‘the wrong crowd’, places being pubs, and things being drink and drugs.

At 31, Brouder believes that he still has time to rescue his career in the saddle. Now back working full-time with Tom Cooper, he expects to resume race-riding in the next month or so. Having sought and received the help that offers him another chance, Brouder is determined that this time he won’t blow it.

“One million per cent. I’m on the right track now and I’m never going back. I know that people will have their own opinions but I promise you, I’m never going back. I know that I still have something to offer as a rider.

“I am good value for my 5lb claim when I have my head screwed on. I’m riding out for Tom six days a week and will go into any trainer that needs a hand.”

Brouder also acknowledges the support that he has received from his family and, partner Courtney O’Brien. “She has stuck with me through thick and thin. She has been unbelievable. I don’t know how she has put up with it.”

Positive reaction

The reaction from within the weighing room has also been positive. Having ridden his first winner on his very first ride as a 17-year-old at the Curragh way back in October 2012, Brouder is long established in the jockey ranks.

He jokes that most of his colleagues will say that “Brouder is stone mad but he can ride”. He argues against the mad part by pointing out that that’s what the drink and drugs does to you. Closest to some of the more senior riders, Brouder says that they have been a great support.

For anyone struggling with drugs or alcohol, taking that first step is the most difficult part. “It does make you feel weak”, Brouder admits. “Men are not supposed to talk about their problems and, that’s the biggest problem of all.” He added; “You don’t have to tell everyone but you do need to tell someone. I never wanted to tell anyone, not even Jennifer Pugh.”

Brouder added: “There are going to be people out there drinking and doing drugs thinking they can do that but it never ends well. Help is out there. You will not get better people than Jennifer Pugh, Pat Brennan and Colin Fallon of the Irish Jockeys Trust.”

While tentatively excited about the future, Gearoid Brouder is realistic enough to accept that counselling and AA meetings are here to stay. “You can sing that”, he says.

“I will be going for evermore. I know the minute that I start to slack off, it will stop working.”