OUR cocker spaniel is in season which has attracted the uninvited attentions of a neighbour’s terrier Spot. He holds a vigil outside our kitchen that would put Romeo himself to shame but not even Shakespeare’s most desperate romantic felt it necessary to mark his presence by peeing daily on his beloved’s back door.

We can hardly open the said drenched door without putting our canine family planning policy at significant risk. Add this to the pee on the doorstep and my patience is running thin. I am seriously thinking of hiring a dog suit and heading up the road to repay the favour.